Sunday, May 4, 2014

Hormones, Part 1T0

At first when I went to the Endo, my team had pulled an all-nighter (literally) the night before, so I was a little out of it. Sadly that meant I forgot the 30+ pages of paperwork from my hospital visit I got for him too, since he asked since my other records "weren't adequate." So I figured I'd spam him with everything so he has no room to complain. But I was seriously stressing as I headed over to the hospital where my endo is at realizing I forgot them. Mostly because I'm at 0.5mg which is a very low dose which is good for starting, but to increase my dosage he said he needed the paperwork. So I promised I'd get it to him very soon, and brought it back 2 days later (after almost barfing on the way home and sleeping for 16 hours - all-nighters aren't healthy lol BUT WE FINISHED). I was pretty adamant that I was ready to increase the dosage, and so was pretty clear about that, but during my meeting with him he was pretty strict that I could come back in 3 months (5 months total of 0.5mg a day) and we'd see then.

I mean I trusted he had some reason, and it made sense to work up to a dosage, but the fact that most everyone else I know started on 1mg a day, and the normal dosage for MtF HRT is 1-3mg a day, means I was ready to increase the dosage unless he had a good reason why not to. So after leaving kinda frustrated about not yet, I researched the typical dosage levels to be sure, then came back with my paperwork and such. I asked to speak with him for a moment, explained I brought the paperwork, then said very firmly "let's increase the dosage to 1mg a day. I was doing research and 1-3mg is the standard amount, and I was okay with starting at a lower dosage until I get used to it, but unless you have a good reason why I specifically need to be on a lower dose I'm ready to increase the dosage now." He studied me for a second, then said he'd look at the paperwork, and to call him next week and depending on what's in there and he'd see.

I was ecstatic hearing this, and said "okay, thanks" then left. I would have been ready to call Monday morning, but my Mom told me Thursday night my doctor had called (I met with him on Tuesday then brought in the paperwork on Thursday), so Friday morning I got up and called (she was surprised I was up so early, except then I fell back asleep because they weren't open yet and then woke up at 11:00 and almost missed them because they close at 12:00, lol I'm working on a better sleeping schedule).

I was ready to, assuming I didn't have any medical reasons for not being on a higher dose, start going on about many different things I had to say, ranging from "you know the oath you make to do no harm? You're intentionally doing harm to me by choosing to give me a lower dosage [his main reason being 'often trans people go too fast']. I am out to everyone, already have been transitioning for months, and hormones are one of the only things holding me back at this point, and you're choosing to slow that down." to "I will go and sit there and refuse to leave until you choose to either give me a good reason for why you're keeping the dosage low specifically for me, or choose to increase the dosage [and I would be ready to stay all night if needed]"

Instead I stepped into my garage so I'd have some peace and quiet, then called, and he said pretty pleasantly that "the paperwork you gave me was exactly what I wanted, and I think it's perfectly reasonable to increase the dosage to 1mg a day."

I don't know if I actually would have said/done any of those things, but it's probably best I didn't find out. :)

PS: Here's [updated below] our (semi) finished film, we showed it to an audience last Tuesday, but we'll be doing the final polishing for a better grade and will be done this Friday. It's admittedly kinda cheesy, but that's part of the point of the Machinima genre, I think :) Also it has my last name in it, but I figure that's not too big of a deal at this point, I'm pretty out.

PSS: After another all-nighter, we've finished the film. Enjoy :)

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